reflecting on my recent patterns

(i really feel like the first step of changing any behavior is: acknowledging it, identifying it, scoping it with words!)

there’s a distinctive habit i’ve noticed in myself, recently. before making a decision, i poll. i ask. i sense-check. i wait for consensus. sometimes it’s about big things. sometimes it’s incredibly small. on the surface, it looks harmless: collaborative, cautious, even wise...

over time, i’ve realised it comes with a cost: a slow erosion of trust in my own judgment.

what does it mean to outsource your inner compass?

(i think i experience the 'momentary relief' especially a lot - then i find myself surveying for input all over again)

outsourcing your inner compass isn’t about simply being open to feedback or valuing collective wisdom. it’s about deferring your sense of “knowing” to external voices, especially before you’ve even consulted yourself.

it looks like:

• asking multiple people what you should do - before you’ve sat with what you want

• treating advice as a prerequisite for action

• feeling momentarily relieved after getting reassurance… then immediately unsure again

over time, decisions stop feeling embodied. they start feeling borrowed.

why women are especially vulnerable

(it's interesting how much of this boils down to fear - fear about being "wrong, misaligned or misunderstood")

i think this shows up disproportionately in women who:

• care deeply about doing things right

• are empathetic, perceptive and emotionally-attuned

• have been praised for being agreeable, thoughtful or “easy to work with”

when you feel a lot - and think a lot - it’s easy to mistake uncertainty or hesitation for incompetence. instead of trusting your discernment, you look outward because you’re so afraid of being wrong, misaligned or misunderstood. add ambition to the mix and the stakes feel even higher. one “wrong” move can feel like it defines you.

the paradox of advice

(that urge to pick up the phone and call a friend HEHE)

advice can be incredibly grounding!

however, the paradox is this: the more advice you seek, the noisier and more muddied your inner world becomes. everyone is responding from their context, fears, projections, incentives and blind spots - but it can be easy to lose sight of this and take their word as gospel.

i’ve noticed that when i ask too many people for input, i don’t feel wiser - i feel more torn, more fragmented. pulled in ten directions. less connected to myself than when i started.

so: this isn’t about rejecting advice; it’s about knowing how much weight to give it.

how this shows up in my work

(as a first-time founder, it is invaluable to seek advice and feedback - but i've realised how debilitating it can also be... some things are just meant to be a bit of trial and error!)

in building bwh, this pattern has been confronting.

i’ve caught myself:

• wanting reassurance before backing my own instincts

• diluting ideas to make them more “palatable”

again, when you outsource your inner compass in work, you don’t just slow your decision-making process - you dilute conviction. 

in my reflections i’ve realised that the most aligned, embodied decisions i’ve made weren’t unanimously endorsed... but they had an undeniable certainty to them (to me)!

reclaiming your inner compass (without rejecting collective wisdom)

(centering the self!!)

for me, this has looked like practicing a pause and centering myself... ishita r. mahajan/ ashi... and what she thinks, feels and wants!

before asking anyone else:

• what do i think? (to reconnect with my inner compass)

• what feels true and right in my body - on a somatic level?

• if no one weighed in, what would i do?

only then do i try to seek out external input: selectively, intentionally and from people whose values i respect. rather than relying on my loved ones to ‘make decisions for me,’ i’m really trying to lean on them to pressure-test what i already feel intuitively.

this isn’t about becoming rigid or insular. it’s about strengthening the muscle of self-trust so that you can be in a real position to receive input!

a truth i’m still learning

(i love the quote below so, so, so much!)

i still struggle with this. however, i’m learning that: intuition is often calm. unassuming. easy to overlook. especially, if it’s flooded by noise.

every time i choose to listen inward first, something subtle shifts. that inner compass gets a little louder. decisions feel more authentic. regret feels lighter. i feel more at home in myself.

i’m also learning to take the pressure off of making the ‘right’ decision per se. oftentimes, there isn’t one...

“if you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

the universe has no fixed agenda. once you make any decision, it works around that decision. there is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling and action that you experience.” ~ deepak chopra

take the leap and the universe will catch you!

~

if you liked this post and want to read more about the magical world of mindset, intuition and discernment, then please check out these other blogs i’ve written!

what’s really in my control

challenging limiting beliefs